I wanted to share this story. Way back when I was younger (and until now), I constantly got bullied because of the way I move (for your reference, this anonymous sender is “effeminate and part of the LGBTQ+). I always wondered, “why do I act this way?” “what’s wrong with being just myself?”
I started to feel depressed because my parents and even the people I love couldn't accept my identity. The hurtful lines I always hear from them are “pagpakalalaki gud” or worse “walay bayot nga makasulod sa langit”
Growing up in a religious family was challenging when I started liking people of the same sex. Until now, I could not get out of my closet because of religious factors and being an active member whenever there were church activities. Plus, my parents do not support LGBTQ+.
I have come to question God why I am like this. I begged God every night to fix and miraculously make me straight because I couldn't handle the pressure anymore. The pressure from my family, and anxiety around society….
And you know that feeling you can feel that all hope is gone? It's hard for me even to describe how it felt. All I knew was that I didn't want to do anything, and my friends kept asking me why I wasn't smiling anymore. Every month, my depression always gets triggered because I consistently undervalue and hate myself for being a part of the LGBTQ+
Of what is known to be the most crucial part of the day for every family, every family meal, my parents would always target me for being like this… I couldn't reply since I was scared… Every single day in my life has always been so miserable.
I couldn't tell them that the reason I wasn't smiling was that my life felt like it was falling apart around me. It felt like everything was going wrong. I didn't know what to do about it—I wanted to scream at people who made fun of me and my identity or just left me out of things, but instead of doing that, I just stayed quiet and let them walk all over me. It feels so sad that you are in a toxic community. And I feel so sorry, especially for those bullied people like me.
However, I realized that at the end of the day, you only have yourself. Being powerful means embracing who you are and accepting yourself. I hope the people like me can love themselves.
And I hope people like me will believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And that light will bring joy and positivity eventually.
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